Dive Into the Heart
by Milai Sapphire
Summary: Tezuka's words. Fuji's misunderstanding. In a spiral of coldness, some things are never forgotten. Even with the passing of time. TezuFuji. Read and Review please. :D
1. Prologue

**Prologue  
By: **Milai Sapphire

**Pairing: **Tezuka/Fuji  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own these characters...only a few plushies. Oh and the title is actually a song on the Kingdom Hearts OST...so yeah that really isn't mine but it's my favorite song on that soundtrack (and the song that started this whole thing I guess). ; )  
**Author's Note**: Only this chapter is Fuji's POV. The rest of the fic will be third person (mostly Fuji 3rd person) unless otherwise noted. Hope you enjoy my first attempt at a long TezuFuji fic.

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Those words... 

_His words..._

_I couldn't understand...  
_

_

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_

I never understood those words he spoke, and nothing had changed the uncertainty in my mind seven years past…

"Tezuka, is something bothering you?" My voice sounded faintly into his ears with the passing winds. In his eyes, he heard me, but his actions remained still and unwavering.

"I've got a lot on my mind…" Immediately, I had taken a step towards him to provide some support, but his voice came out clear and resolute forcing my feet to halt their motion. "…but don't let that worry you. They're my problems." His voice trailed further away from me, sounding cold and somewhat bitter, as he released his hands from grasping the rooftop fence.

"Is that so…but…" My eyes looked up to find him standing two steps in front of me.

"'Why' is all I can ask." His words were faint and whispered so only my ears could hear, "'It's impossible' is all I hear in return…so…" Tezuka Kunimitsu's words seemed more than distant, as he just looked at me. No, his eyes couldn't even turn in my direction. He brushed past my arm to the rooftop stairs leaving only the trace of two words that froze my heart, harsher than winter's biting cold.

"Tezuka…" My voice fell to a mere whisper, as I heard his voice. This wasn't the same person I saw every day on the tennis courts, giving orders, working so hard to perfect his skill. Nor was it the young man I grew to like and understand off the courts. And somehow, for some reason, it only bothered me.


	2. Chapter 01: The Silence That Follows

**The Silence That Follows  
**By: Milai Sapphire

**Pairing: **Tezuka/Fuji  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own these Prince of Tennis characters.  
**Author's Note**: So after constant revisions, I think I came up with a chapter that I am pleased with for the most part. Hope you enjoy it. And don't forget to review (will let me know if I should continue writing this fic). : )

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Practice was practice. Not much could be said about that. Twenty laps around the tennis courts. The daily run-in with Inui's latest drink invention. Reporters on the sideline taking down the tiniest and important details as the tennis season came to its close and the 3rd year regulars would be graduating. Those moments taken for granted. A careful glance in Tezuka's direction told Fuji something. Almost like… 

"Fuji-san. Play a match with me. Onegai shimasu." Kawamura Takashi asked with a sincere smile on his face and his head slightly bent in politeness. Unfortunately, his words didn't quite reach Fuji's ears, whose mind and eyes were focused somewhat solemnly in another direction. "Ano…Fuji-san…"

"Huh?" Fuji turned around abruptly, his eyes fixated in slits as if to say "not right now".

"A..an..ano…I was wondering if you would like to play a match with me, but if you're busy right now that's alright too…"

"Un…that's fine Taka-san. Shall we?" Fuji's composure completely changed from before. An innocent smile graced his lips, and the fearful look in his eyes was gone.

"GREATO! PREPARE TO LOSE FUJI!" Taka-san exclaimed as he raised his racket, and stepped onto the tennis courts. At Taka-san's change of pace, all Fuji could do was smile, and prepare for his serve. As he threw the ball into the air, it shielded his eyes from what light shone in his eyes, and he could hear a faint whisper in his mind.

_Anata no tame ni. For your sake._ A sole truth that liberated itself from Tezuka's lips replayed in Fuji's mind.

Just then, Fuji opened his eyes losing himself in his thoughts for a brief second, and the ball came falling before his face. As he prepared to move his arm to make his serve, the ball bounced at his feet.

"HORA HORA…COME ON FUJI!" Taka-san shouted on the other side of the court, wondering why Fuji actually let the ball fall to the floor of the courts.

"Eh?" Fuji looked blankly at the ball that sat his feet, and blinked his eyes a few times in confusion. Seemingly, all motion stopped as they witnessed this awkward moment: Fuji missing his serve?

"Ara…ara. Feels like the sky is falling." Momoshiro Takeshi looked up to the sun, shielding his eyes with his left hand.

"…Taka-san. Maybe…I'll take a quick water break before this match. For some reason, I'm a bit thirsty. Excuse me." Fuji took his racquet, grabbing a hand towel on his way out, and walked to the side of the school where the water fountains were located. The event of that afternoon still stayed fresh in his mind, and for some reason playing tennis could not help get his mind off of it at all. In fact, it proved more troubling than it should have been.

…_I don't understand…anything…_

Fuji continued to run his face in the vertical stream of water, soaking the ends of his hair in the process. When he resurfaced, he knew without a single move. "Tezuka….buchou…" The title was unusual to hear from his own lips, making the distance between the two friends potentially further. The young man behind Fuji handed him the towel, and proceeded to stand next to him.

"Is something wrong? You never let your guard fall like that." The tennis captain spoke firmly. Within a matter of seconds, he too let his guard down, and rested his hands on the ledge in front of the water fountain. His hair sheltered the side of his face, his eyes which held a look of anguish that did not go unnoticed by Fuji. "Is it…is it because of what…?"

Fuji abruptly halted the tennis captain's speech, "Tezuka. No, Tezuka-buchou. It's nothing. Don't worry about it. I think I understand somewhat." Fuji smiled his normal smile carefully concealing his emotions, questions. He began to walk away from Tezuka, but felt a strong hold on his wrist as if to say 'Don't go yet…'. Reluctantly, he stayed for a moment, his shoulders tense, and his jaw tightening. But as a moment passed, Fuji placed his hand atop Tezuka's saying without a single breath, or a single word: 'It's alright.'

"Really, it's okay…so…" Fuji finally opened his mouth and turned to face a seemingly solemn Tezuka. _…Even so, I will always be here…_was the first thought that ran through his mind easily pushed aside by his pride. "…I'm going back to practice…Ja'." Fuji turned leaving a bitter, coldness in the wake of his path. One that Tezuka dare not follow.

…_the final…_ Fuji detoured to the empty locker room, closing the door behind him, unable to finish his thoughts. Heaving a large sigh, his resolve strengthened and his composure fortified. A step further away. One step towards the fracture point.


	3. Chapter 02: Broken Chains

**Broken Chains  
**By: Milai Sapphire

**Pairing: **Tezuka/Fuji  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own these Prince of Tennis characters.

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A large catlike smile spread across the acrobatic tennis player's lips. Paws reached around the lockers near the entrance. Next, one eye. Two eyes. As soon as his prey was unsuspecting of anything, he pounced forward only to be halted by a pair of unyielding eyes. A slight 'nya' came to light as a finger tapped at his head. 

"Fuji, nya…" Eiji rubbed his forehead where Fuji just flicked him. A small red mark grew more and more vibrant. An intentional act of friendliness. Of the more rough nature. One that caused an almost evil smile to emerge on Fuji's lips. "Just so you know…" Eiji pouted still massaging the location where pain had been inflicted, "I only came to check on how you were doing. Did you forget you have a match with Taka-san?"

Silence.

Then, a small devious chuckle fell from Fuji's lips. Turning his face towards Eiji's and walking closer to the young tennis player, he smiled carefully. Each step, a calculated one. "Ahh…I haven't…" Uncharacteristically, Fuji took a long time to ponder upon the answer to Eiji's question. And then it was clear, his mind was anywhere but in that locker room.

Eiji took a seat on the bench, his feet spread apart, legs close and head bent unable to face Fuji directly. There, for a moment, a thickening silence lingered if only for a second. A minute.

"You know, Fuji…" Eiji looked up at his friend who approached his locker his fingers carefully laced around the handle opening the door. "…Tezuka is having everyone run 40 laps right now. A lot more than usual and we don't even have a tournament coming up within the next couple weeks. We're graduating soon anyway…why more practice?" Unnoticed by Eiji who was slightly wrapped up in his thoughts, the creak of an opening locker stopped at the mention of the captain's name. "Actually…I noticed when he returned from your direction earlier, he didn't seem like his normal self. Did something…?" The sudden slamming of Fuji's locker caused Eiji to jump out of his seat. His heart beat incrementally faster. The cat held its tongue.

"Ah. Sorry Eiji. I didn't mean to startle you." Fuji's words were cold, his eyes opened in slits like a cat whose ears were being scratched softly. A touchy area that Eiji did not want to venture towards for too long. "So why aren't _you_ running those laps?" As Fuji opened his mouth to speak those exact words, someone spoke before he could say a word. Picking up his racket, Fuji tested the tension in the strings gripping them tighter than normal.

"Nya?" Eiji blinked, a sly smirk graced his lips. His cover was blown, as he heard the echo of a voice many tones deeper than Fuji's voice. The frigidity of the locker room grew stronger, harsher…too much for Eiji's mind. "Saa…well you see…I was just about to head back out anyway…" a faint chuckle resonated in the still air. Its heavy gloom clearly looming above Fuji's head.

"Return to practice. Make it 50 laps around the tennis court, Eiji." The captain bellowed, as Eiji quickly slipped away throwing a small look of reassurance and support in Fuji's direction. Just as the regular was out of sight, "That should be enough time to finish what needs to be resolved…Syuusuke."

"Resolved?" Fuji muttered beneath his breath, which caught in his throat as he heard his name delicately spoken. But truth be told, it felt like nothing more than mockery in that instant. His strings were on the verge of snapping, as he thrust his hands to his side. The racket's swing whistled signaling caution as his eyes opened. A deep scornful azure fixed themselves within the unyielding hazel eyes, their firmness refusing to move under the tensai's gaze. "Nothing needs to be resolved. If I remember correctly, Tezuka Kunimitsu…should I remind you of your words?"

Tezuka pushed the brim of his glasses closer to his eyes. "I…" His words faltered, unable to speak further or rather a denial to his own testimony.

"In that case, I think I have no problem saying it." Taking a step towards the locker room door, Fuji headed towards his last tennis practice. "This game. It's over." Opening the door, he left Tezuka remaining at its entrance, determined not to look back. Only move forward. The only place he could now walk freely.

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**Author's Note**: Hee hee...I love angst. Anyway...before I write an author's note longer than my fic...please read and review. :) Hope you're enjoying this fic, as I'm having fun creating daily angst in my mind. :) Working on Chapter 3 and 4 right now. Should be posted after I endure finals, and then I might have to take a short break with this fic since I'll be doing co-authoring a tenipuri fic with yoshikochan. More TezuFuji loveliness. :3  



	4. Chapter 03: One Look, One Past

**One Look, One Past  
**By: Milai Sapphire

**Pairing:** Tezuka/Fuji  
**Disclaimer: **Still don't own them. Never will sadly. But I continue to dream...

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What did we have?

Even I wasn't aware of that myself. Childhood. In those moments of innocence, anything seems possible, believing in that adolescent image of an idealistic dream. Even for a single moment, that dream means everything defining reality. Until the truth of the world is realized. Then…none of it seems, no, it just _isn't_ a dream anymore. That untainted, hopeful mind has lost its innocence, exposed by the unwavering and shattering truth of the real world.

And this reality, I now capture in my own hands. Through my own eyes.

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Camera in hand, Fuji focused his lens on the model posed before him. Something intriguing rested within having the power to capture beautiful things in a single shot, the snap of a shutter. Another way to capture something and display its radiance to the world. Maybe he hoped that in this way he could capture something deeper, something that did not linger in the past. A picture is worth a thousand words, the weight of his emotions. Each fragment set with each rotation of the lens. 

The shutter closes.

The mind-created illusion developed.

From across the room, two young men called out to Fuji whose thoughts swallowed his focus. Their calls were only whispers of air as Fuji packed away his photography materials preparing for a change of location. For a brief moment, he coincidentally turned his head in their direction, their hands signaling him to come over. With an inadvertent sigh, the 22-year old Fuji sauntered over to his comrades, that complacent smile never leaving his face. One that could fool even himself.

"Anything wrong?" Fuji asked, the smile still there, hinting a nonexistent innocence that curled the edges of his lips.

"Fuji playing innocent…well, well…this definitely isn't the first time." A cautious feminine voice emerged from behind him. Apparently, she knew all too well what it was like stepping on treacherous waters where Fuji was concerned. Her eyes still had remnants of her makeup on it, which even in small amounts illuminated the deep stormy gray of her eye color. Arianne's comment triggered an even grander smile from Fuji, as if he were set to laugh the idea off burying it in a pool of irrelevant conversation.

"It _is_ Thursday, you know." The taller of the young men, who had shoulder length auburn hair slicked back loosely in a ponytail, handed the model the makeup remover. "If I remember correctly, Fuji, today would be the day you accompany us for a drink or have you…forgotten?" His words suspected if anything Fuji would claim he forgot to escape the situation adding a small smirk hoping to disillusion them.

"You can rest assured…I haven't forgotten, Kazuki. Just give me a chance to finish packing up my things." He moved himself from his relaxed position, and glanced over at the company he had kept all those years. After those moments when his trust had been shattered and remained broken. In that moment, the glass broke one more time at the reminiscing. _A time best left forgotten…_

_

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_

Darkness engulfed the silence in the apartment. The only light illuminating the room came from a digital clock reading 11:30 PM. All blinds were closed, and doors shut until the front door swung open. A sigh escaped his lips as he removed his shoes before the small carpeted hallway where his slippers waited just as he had left them that morning. Dropping his bags and the coat draped over his left arm onto the coat rack at the entrance, he pulled out the mail from under his arm while turning on the light switch.

Junk mail.

Fuji flipped through each piece of mail until he saw one addressed to him, the sender: Kikumaru Eiji.

That name quickly brought a smirk to Fuji's face, teeth evidently white behind his calm expression. Walking past the columns separating the common area and the entrance, he reached out for the remote to his music system, turning on some meditative music. Fuji took a seat on the couch resting his head as he opened the envelope. Inside contained pictures, the top one of Oishi and Eiji smiling and looking over the city view, one pair of hands wrapped around the others' shoulders in a friendly embrace. One look at that made Fuji homesick, something he thought he would never feel. Opening the letter, he read the first few words:

_ Fuji-kun_

_ Nya-ho! Long time no see. So Oishi and I…_

Fuji's eyes scrolled up and down the page, Japanese characters written in a style characteristic of Eiji's writing. As Fuji prepared to flip the next page of the letter and shift his resting position, the photos, once laying on his chest, scattered themselves all over his lap and gently onto the floor. Picking up the photo that rested facedown by his chair, he turned it over in his hands only to feel a thousand needles sting his heart.

Oishi standing with Tezuka next to him. The former vice captain of Seigaku's tennis team ecstatic to see someone he had not seen in a few years, while the former tennis captain still had the same nonchalant expression as always. Fuji's eyes danced over to Tezuka who had changed over seven years time. His hair was slightly longer than before. Shoulders broader in width, and his height was on the order of at least three to four inches taller than Oishi. Yet, all these years while their outward appearances changed, the bitterness remained in Fuji's heart.

A pitfall of dreams.

A soft, unforgotten whisper of something that could not exist, no matter how strong the desire.

Letting the picture fall to the floor once again amongst the pile of junk mail, he fell back into the plush comfort of his couch, a small laugh of solemnity echoing throughout the room. As his laughter subsided, he resumed reading the letter he put down for a brief moment. Lifting the paper above his head, he looked up at the following page starting:

_ "Tezuka is back in Japan. He asked about you."_

_Is that so? It's too late to correct the mistakes of the past...Tezuka._ Fuji continued reading, disregarding the pain each word placed on his heart.

_ "When are you coming back? That was his question, not mine, although I wonder the same thing."_ Eiji's letter continued to reopen the scars, _"He asked if I knew anyway to contact you_…_he did sound a bit concerned though."_ Fuji continued to read onwards grasping the paper tightly as he read more, dreading each detail. As if plucking each string on purpose. _"Nya Even now that 'buchou-like' aura surrounds him. A bit intimidating. So…I gave him your phone number…"_ Fuji raised an eyebrow at Eiji's comments, as he folded up the letter not having the desire to finish reading it at that moment.

"Baka…" Fuji whispered, placing his hands over his eyes, which could no longer keep themselves open out of sheer tiredness.

Suddenly, his laptop made a ringing sound, a notification that he received mail.

In the header:

_Re: Photoshoot Relocation…Japan_

_

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_

**Author's Note: **Okay, even though I reply to all of you guys' reviews (which makes me superbly happy like a kid opening their present on Christmas morning). Just wanted to thank you guys again for reading and reviewing, and glad you like my story. XD XD It makes me so happy. Overjoyous. The light in my day.

So thanks to dyaoka, yoshikochan, merissala, Z.M, Umi Minamino, yamatoforever, fightingdreamer5, and Hikari Ja'ne. Glad to see that someone likes what I'm writing and putting a lot of effort into. And also to all the people that read, and just look to see where the story's going I appreciate you reading too.

Oh and sorry for the HUGE delay in writing. Got caught up with the last two weeks of school (finals and stuff), and then the AX cosplay rush to finish my costumes in two weeks, and then my summer research project began. / It's been busy, but thanks for sticking with me. :D Hopefully I'll be able to update more regularly, but it kills me especially when my brain isn't working. .. See you next chapter. :)


	5. Chapter 04: Voice

**--VOICE--  
**By: Milai Sapphire

**Pairing:** Tezuka/Fuji  
**Disclaimer: **Still don't own them. Never will sadly. But I continue to dream...

* * *

Unfamiliar.

This room. This smell. But in an all too familiar place. Fuji looked out the second story window. His work kept him busy, moving from location to location. All to places that held excitement for him. All so that he could forget the past he held in this place, he accepted each journey as they were thrown at him. His home, so far from that feeling of comfort. It wasn't running away, just simply a moment for those wounds to heal. And sadly enough, to his surprise, they still hurt oozing with the blood of regret. Always questioning "what if," allowing his shredded hope to last a moment longer. The uncertainties spelled death, something that could no longer remain. All interrupted by the cacophonous ring of his phone.

Weaving his way through the boxes of belongings, he walked to the kitchen ledge where he placed his phone. A click and a simple greeting sounded through the receiver, "Hello. Fuji Syuusuke speaking."

"Fuji..." A deep voice sent chills through his body, ending at his fingertips causing the phone to slowly slip through his fingers, "This is..."

Someone who needed no introduction, "Tezuka..." Fuji finished for the caller, leaving no hint of uncertainty and surprise in his tone of voice until, "It's been quite a long time hasn't it?" His words emitted a cold chill that he wanted Tezuka to feel and never forget. Very much like the frigid pain he felt years ago, and so the cycle would continue. Inflicting pain upon each other until so much regret and remorse is felt that the thought no longer wavers, it just breaks.

"Oishi mentioned your return. I suppose you never had any intention of calling with at least a 'hello'." Tezuka's words were unnaturally frank. They accused him, as if to point a finger continuously at his chest emphasizing each word.

"Well you yourself weren't very open about your return from what I've heard. So just returning the favor, ne?" Fuji cringed at the cynical nature of his thoughts and his words. The meaning sent to Tezuka was nothing he had in mind, but it was met in a formidable silence. He always wanted to put him in a corner and let his rival figure a way out of the situation, but not for this reason. Using his pain to force his hand, sympathy died.

"Fuji, if you don't mind, I'd like to..." Tezuka's words were abruptly cut off by Fuji's voice.

"I have work tomorrow early in the morning, 7 AM call. So I should probably be unpacking the rest of my stuff right now." Fuji clenched his free hand, feeling his trimmed nails pierce the flesh of his palm. A solemn smile spoke his few last words, "Good night for now." His words said a farewell, but his actions didn't. Hands still remained clenched around the phone, palm over the receiver concealing his uneven breaths. Truthfully, he did not want it to be like this, but even now he could hear Tezuka's voice saying: "It's over. This game." Each part resonating in his ear as if he were standing right next to him.

Before Fuji could hang up his phone, Tezuka spoke up, "Regardless. Fuji, a resolution must come eventually. Favorable or not." Tezuka did not sound like himself, something was forcing him.

No longer any of his concern. A blemish on the surface already tainted 100 times over.

"Re...solution? For something resolved seven years ago?" He could play that game as well. Ignorance is bliss. Yet ignorance hurts.

"I expected no less than that from you Fuji. Some things never change do they?" Tezuka's words laughed at Fuji's play, his voice lacking all humor. "Tomorrow. At the tennis courts… 5 PM." Each phrase was marked in Fuji's mind. He couldn't disagree, not when the phone line was disconnected. No room for argument.

----

The lens angle was askew, uneven. The models' eyes which were distinctly focused on the shutter were out of range. The distortion of his heart was reflected in his passion, each movement.

"Fuji." Kazuki tapped his shoulder, which was loose, unmotivated from all angles.

"Fuji." His voice called to him more sternly, as a pair of eyes finally looked upwards. The flame in his eyes extinguished, overtaken by layers of ice. "If I remember correctly, this is supposed to be a photoshoot of clothes, not tiles and carpet." His finger tapped Fuji lightly on the forehead, teasing him slightly.

"I'm sorry." He took a look at his watch. 4:00 PM. "Let's finish tomorrow." He handed Kazuki his camera. Leaving him with questions, all unanswered, things that even he had no answer to.

W_hy, now of all times, must Tezuka reach out to him again? _

_Is there some gain in doing this? Any meaning?_

One foot followed the other in rhythmic succession. Each heartbeat palpitating quicker, as he walked across the overpass. Turning to the side, he clenched his fingers around the side fencing, a constricting pain in his chest. A lot changed after seven years, and what didn't remained the same.

Tezuka waited for him, where he said he would wait. True to at least that if not other things. Fuji walked down the stairs slowly, while his hand gripped the strap of his shoulder bag across his chest. He stopped, a short distance away from Tezuka's location. "Tezuka." Fuji called to the young man, who was seated upon the bench near the entrance to the tennis courts. Immediately, at the sound of his voice, Tezuka stood up closing the book he had been reading. Arising from his seated position, he looked down at Fuji. Nothing was said after Tezuka heard his name. Walking closer towards Tezuka who stood near the tennis gate, Fuji stopped. Far enough for neither of them to be able to touch the other. Another degree of separation.

"Tezuka. What is it??" Fuji asked, wasting no time, as he turned his eyes to stare directly at Tezuka.

"Fuji. Good to see you again." Tezuka avoided Fuji's question. There was a deep-rooted tension between the two young men. One tense in avoidance, the other out of anxiousness. A few minutes of silence stood there, and the only thing that came out of Tezuka's mouth was the air he was breathing out. Fuji stormed towards Tezuka, slamming his hands against the gate behind Tezuka.

"Don't joke around with me, Tezuka." Fuji's eyes flashed open before Tezuka's eyes. He had enough. It wasn't just those five minutes of little interaction, but 7 years and more than that. Something that only could amount to a simple greeting of "hello" and "good to see you again".

"I never had the intention of joking with you." Tezuka looked straight at Fuji, unrelenting eyes meeting Fuji's challenge.

"Then why, why now of all times do you want to see me? Didn't you say that you couldn't love me? You didn't know how to love me?" Fuji turned his face away from Tezuka, but before giving the taller man a chance to speak, he continued, "And because of that, I have no intention of knowing what it is to love, whether it be loving you or anyone else." And he was fine with that. Right? Just like he was fine with it 7 years ago.

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**--Flashback-- **

With a towel draped around his shoulders, Tezuka leaned against the locker, opening the adjacent one. Fuji felt a pair of eyes burning into his skin, as he slipped his shirt over his head.

"I was bored…" The tennis captain said with no emotion in his words, as he closed his locker. His eyes turned away from Fuji, as if he couldn't face the tensai to say what he needed to say. To be honest, Fuji didn't want to be in the same room as Tezuka at that moment. After what happened the day before, he couldn't bring himself to face Tezuka without feeling like something broke apart, over and over. "It wouldn't have worked out Fuji. You know that…"

"…you can't love me. I know." Fuji slipped his arm through his winter jacket, buttoning it up, and placing his scarf around his neck. If it couldn't be, then he would have to make himself accept it. Not a hard thing for him, right? He clenched the end of his scarf, feeling it tighten around his neck under the stress.

"And it's the same for you too, isn't it?" Tezuka looked over at the tensai, whose hair shadowed his eyes very carefully hiding the sadness in his expression. Not a single display of melancholy crossed Tezuka's face. "Then, everything will be all right from now." Tezuka took his things and headed to the shower, leaving Fuji behind in the locker room. The tensai looked at his feet. Falling to floor was a tear, all the emotion he had released in a single drop of a saline mixture. Purging him of the impurity known as Tezuka's love.

**--End flashback-- **

* * *

Fuji couldn't find his voice, as Tezuka grabbed Fuji's wrist bringing his lips closer to the tensai's lips. His heart rate increased tenfold, under the intense moment. And somewhere in his mind he feared what would happen next.**Author's Note: **

Yay I'm back in the writing mode. Hope people still like my fanfic so far. I've been so busy with school lately, but the stress of school always inspires me to write for some reason at least the angsty stuff. xD That and I've been playing around on the Tenipuri DSP forum RP (playing as Tezuka and Oshitari). xD

So thanks for the reviews so far. 17. :3 Makes me so happy. Of course I would love more, to give me insight on how I've doing so far and if you like it or not, or whether I should stop all together. D: Hehe I'll work hard to have Chapter 5 up soon (give me a week or more maybe), I need to get some ideas out of my head for that chapter. just got one right now for Chapter 5

Thanks to everyone who's read everything so far again + Lady Alelia, nightmare rose, fightingdreamer5, yoshikochan (my roommate :P), and yamatoforever for your reviews on Chapter 3 (even though they call it chapter 4). You have no idea how this helps me write more stuff. xD


	6. Chapter 05: Resistance

**Chapter 5: Resistance **

By: Milai Sapphire

**Pairing:** Tezuka/Fuji  
**Rating: **T  
**Disclaimer: **Property of Konomi Takeshi Hehe, beyond the Tezu and Atobe plushies, I still don't own these wonderful characters. But a girl can still dream...

* * *

Tezuka whispered something that Fuji couldn't hear, his mind was far away from the conversation as he stood close to Tezuka, their lips so close it there was only an inch of space to breathe.

"Joking?" The word seething through his voice, "So everything is still a game for you Fuji?"

Fuji turned his face away from his former teammate, "It never was a game for me Tezuka." The light shone above them, fading into the azure abyss as the sky grew darker with the sun's setting. "Never…but as someone who doesn't know how to love someone else, I wouldn't expect you to understand." He released his hands from the gate. Tezuka looked away from Fuji, his mouth set in a displeased frown, as his hand accidentally brushed against Fuji's while pulling away.

"Why…at that time," Tezuka started, his grip on the book at his side strengthening, "why did you do that? Give me false pretenses of what you called 'love'."

"False pretenses? Never. Like I said it never was a game, as much as you'd like it to be. You said it too right? Too much for too long, boredom is imminent." Fuji spoke, directing his gaze away from Tezuka. "But also, at that time we were young, naïve and really….what did we know back then? Only tennis. Competition. Sacrificing something to achieve a higher goal."

"And so nothing has changed since then?" He rested his back against the gate, in a more comfortable position. Fuji had to think about the question for a second, but there was no hesitation in his answer once he came to a conclusion.

"Of course not. I promised myself not to look back at that time, so there's nothing to change. Since the scars will never heal, not by the same hands that …" Fuji felt his eyes sting at that moment, so he closed his eyes sealing out the vision before him. To regain his composure at the very least. _Not by the same hands that held me frequently. Hands that held me without love._ Even without saying another word, Tezuka's eyes showed that he understood Fuji's message.

"Would anything change if I loved you now? Given what happened then…" Tezuka stated the possibility, even just a glimmer of chance, knowing best himself what he felt at that moment, in the past and face to face with Fuji.

Amusement crossed Fuji's face at the chance, but knew there was nothing but emptiness in that bubble of hope. "But you don't…you still don't, because you can't and aren't able to love me Tezuka." Fuji's eyes opened to slits, feeling a deep pain in his heart over the thought. "And I wouldn't be able to love you in return." Fuji repositioned the bag on his shoulder. "Good night, Tezuka." One look back, and he caught a glimpse of Tezuka's turned back. Turning away, Fuji looked up at the stairs, taking each step further away from him, and the memory of him.

Walking up to the train platform, Fuji boarded the train as it made its final call. It was crowded, as expected, as Fuji stood near the train door looking outside. He didn't know what to feel in that moment, except an overwhelming need to release his tears. The scar had reopened, and he couldn't find the will to close it again. Looking down at the city scenery, he could see the tennis courts, and Tezuka still standing there ready to take off.

"Tezuka…" Fuji whispered, feeling a saline water trace the curve of his cheeks. Remembering where he was at that moment, he closed his eyes sealing out everything around him in an attempt regain his composure. He realized, it hurt him too.

**Tezuka's POV **

Fuji…Syuusuke. The only man that could change him so much, and yet the name felt so foreign to his lips. Fuji confused him, changed him, and he loved him. Even though those moments held no emotion, no true love, he held onto a past that could not exist, one that had no meaning because it simply was denied existence.

Looking at the wine glass in his hand, he swirled the red liquid around the perimeter of the glass. He didn't drink alcohol frequently, or even on business occasions, but that time Fuji, who had an acquired taste for the strangest things tempted and seduced him with a taste. A sip of the desired, forbidden, and unreachable. In his other hand, he flipped open his cell phone, scrolled down his contact list to the name, Fuji Syuusuke, and closed it again.

An enigma of emotions.

_I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand._ Those words spoken as if he possessed no heart when it was quite the opposite. He felt it more than he could imagine. This unbreakable wall that weighed down his heart, and shielded his emotions.

On the computer screen before him was displayed spreadsheets of numbers, revenue values, nothing but carefully calculated numbers which no matter how large or small could set him at ease. Swirling the glass around in his hands and bringing the rim of the glass up to his lips, he stopped and looked up at the sound of a knock at his door, which was followed by a friendly voice.

"Tezuka! It's Oishi." The voice called through the barrier of the door as he stood up from his chair walking to the flat entrance. Placing the glass of wine down on the counter as he passed the kitchen, he reached out to turn the door knob handle.

"Oishi. It's good to see you again." Tezuka immediately took notice of the red hair leaning against the wall, and the smiling face that spin around to face him in the doorway. "Kikumaru too."

"Mou…" He pouted taking a step inside, pulling a reluctant Oishi along with him. "Te-zu-ka, you haven't changed." Walking to the kitchen, he found a half empty bottle of wine. "Hmm, wine, huh? I thought Tezuka didn't drink." Eiji smirked, feeling Oishi's hand slip from his own.

"I don't…" Tezuka hesitated, finding an excuse, truth or lie to cover his thoughts at the at moment, "I just had a visitor." He didn't like the scrutiny, especially by his own comrades. Oishi placed a hand on Tezuka's shoulder.

"It's okay, Tezuka. You don't need to lie about that. It's Fuji isn't it?" Oishi asked, receiving nothing but silence from the former tennis captain's lips.

" Fuji?" Tezuka smiled briefly, and pulled his arm away moving to seat himself at his desk. "I saw him. He seemed fine." Lies. He knew that both Fuji and the relationship between them were both anything but fine; however, he couldn't bring himself to admit the reality of the situation. He fumbled with the keys of his laptop closing his business reports. " Fuji…" Tezuka started, interrupted by Eiji's voice coming from the kitchen.

"…he isn't fine, Tezuka. Fuji may play it off that way, but he isn't." Eiji walked out leaning against the wall. "Very much like how you put up your stoic façade, his is just the same. That smile is the only way he'll express the degree of the pain he's feeling. He wouldn't show you how much he is hurt with tears." His words were serious, and only made Tezuka feel worse.

Placing his head in his hand, Tezuka sighed, removing his glasses. He knew that. Because of his selfish desire, the other suffered. "I know…" He just didn't want to believe otherwise. He wanted to think everything could be the same as before. Childish and unrealistic thoughts.

"It's not really our place to get involved, but…" Oishi sighed, "…make yourself clear to Fuji, Tezuka." It didn't take more than a few seconds for Oishi to notice, that he began to walk in no man's land. One more step and Tezuka wouldn't want to hear any more of it. Oishi gestured to Eiji that they'd be heading out, and Tezuka could see that his former fukubuchou and close friend knew him a bit too well, "So, anyway, this Friday, right?" He asked reconfirming the time when they would meet up again.

With a small nod, Tezuka gave Oishi his reassurance, losing his own in the process as he watched the two of them walk out the door.

**Fuji****'s POV **

Fuji walked, the same path he always knew. One turn in this direction, another turn in another direction. but no matter how many times he changed his face, it came back to the same thought.

_Tezuka. _

A swift and unsteady wind passed through the fairway of trees and benches, as he walked through the crowd of people. Faces just like his own stared right back at him, variations in their eye shapes, the curvature of their lips and their bone structure but still the same nonetheless. It was a sea of void, everything unfamiliar that clouded his vision and his thoughts. Just another closed avenue of his mind, one piece of the puzzle that he couldn't or just refused to let go of.

Despite what he said, he wanted everything to change, but he couldn't bring himself to admit that to Tezuka's face. He didn't want that past they had shared together, a past that only temporarily fulfilled their desires, nor did he want an extended version of that pain. Walking up to the door of his flat, he fumbled with the keys in his pocket, blindly choosing one key to open the door. _If only love were that simple._ he thought, hearing a click of the key turning in an intricate system of locks. Swinging open the door, he shut it behind him much like he had closed the door of his heart.

A blinking red light in one corner of the room caught his attention. 5 messages. He pressed down on the button, walking towards his bedroom as he listened to the messages.

First message. _Work._

Second one. _More work_.

Third one. _Trip for work._

He sighed as he removed his scarf and folded it in his hands. Tossing the bundle of red onto the sofa, he buttoned down his jacket, and listened to the silence of the fourth message, only a single breath playing over the machine. A person that wanted to say something, but couldn't find the will to say it.

More heavy breathing. The sound of being out of breath, but painful. Fuji paced over to the message machine, reaching for the 'next' button, until at the end of the long silence.

" Fuji…"

It was Tezuka.

Fuji smiled with neither heart nor feeling. He listened for more, but the message ended there. A long beep ensued, followed by an automated voice telling him the details of the message.

The time.

The date.

Everything was already far too late.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hehe, XD; It's been a while. doesn't even want to count the months Guess it doesn't help that I write a chapter, edit it, and then post, and then go on to write the next chapter to repeat the cycle. XD; Well many months later I'm back. stamps her forehead with the "slow" stamp. I haven't abandoned this fic. Still have a lot of love for my TezuFuji pairing. 3 Anyway, thanks for the reviews, comments, and taking the time to read it. :D Hope you come back for more later, work in progress

Thanks to Thr0u6hTh31c3, blufox, yamatoforever, yoshikochan (hehe, roommate X3), Just Jill, and Fightingdreamer5 and forbiddenstars for your comments on the previous chapters. D And to everyone else that's read and commented so far, thanks sooo much :D


	7. Chapter 06: Pain That Blinds the Senses

**Chapter 6: Pain That Blinds the Senses**

By: Milai Sapphire

**Pairing:** Tezuka/Fuji  
**Disclaimer: **Don't own them. Never will sadly. All of it is Konomi Takeshi-sensei's brilliance at work. But I continue to dream...

**Note:** The huge italicized part is a flashback... Wasn't sure how to set it off from everything else

Hands clasped over his eyes, Fuji reached out for the phone on the table next to his bed side. The clock read a few minutes to 10. When he thought he had forgotten, everything flooded back to him, as if remembering a dream best left unknown and erased. A sensation he had forgotten so long ago. Pain. Something that he had left behind him with his past. That agonizing pain. Love. His heart continued to beat faster as his eyes danced over the numbers on the telephone, his mind mentally dialing a number he still hadn't forgotten.

The words that could only make him smile emptily, as he had carefully listening to the sound of Tezuka's voice on the answering machine. _Fuji..._ Followed by the sound of a voice that would disappear at the sound of a single beep.

He wouldn't.

Fuji placed the phone back in its holster, looking at the clock on the wall that continued to tick, one second closer to the hour. There was no chance. No matter how strongly he desired for there to be one, the state of things prevented that right now. Or so he led himself to believe. At that moment, the raucous sound of the phone right next to his bed head dissipated the endless silence in his room.

Delicate fingers wrapped themselves around a slender frame. The ringing continued to echo in the empty space as each thought was contemplated, and each word pondered before he answered in a voice laden with tiredness, "Fuji speaking." His own name felt foreign coming from his lips.

Was this mind, this body all belonging to that one name?

He laughed. What a thought. Every inch of him was different. His mind no longer sane. Tezuka's doing. Body already stripped of its last inch of purity. Tezuka again.

"You're there, Fuji." Tezuka's voice called out to the other man across the telephone line, a bit shocked by the slightly maniacal chuckle on the other line.

His thoughts, mind, and voice went cold and his body stiffened. Everything halted at the access of those memories of his past. "And if I am? Isn't it where I'm supposed to be?'

"_No._" Tezuka breathed softly to himself on the other line. A word not meant for Fuji's ears, but heard despite that. "Please listen to me." His words caught in his breath.

He sat up in his bed, arm stretched out above his head in an attempt to shake off the last drop of tiredness from his body. "I'm listening. Tezuka Kunimitsu."

He pulled at the tie around his neck, loosening the constriction on his breath, his words determined to reach past the divide. Leaning back against the door closing it behind him, he took in a deep breath.

"At that time, we didn't think of the consequences." Heh, practical Tezuka again. "I mean, I didn't think of the consequence." He could hear Fuji stifle a yawn and maybe a smirk on the other line. As if the other expected those words from him.

"No. You didn't think about them. Neither of us did, but it still hurt regardless of knowing or not, whether or not we look back on those times, the scars are still there Tezuka."

"I regret making you suffer so much, and feeling this way so many years after." Tezuka continued on, "I know saying 'I'm sorry' a million times couldn't erase that pain, but…" He let the silence drag out between them.

Across the other line, in Fuji's room, the tensai held his knees to his chest. He wanted it to be over like that. An apology, and for everything to fade like that. The thoughts, the denial, and most of all, the pain. But he was everywhere; the feeling of him was everywhere. Talking like this, despite the how serious the situation was just like in the past. "But what…?"

"I'm not how I seem. You're wrong. Mistaken, because I can…although seven years too late…" Releasing his hand from around the pencil on his desk, he let it fall to the side of the notepad. He lowered his voice, so only they could hear, sealing his confession away from the surroundings. "…I do love you. If I didn't why would I look for you after all these years?" He removed his glasses, looking up across the desk in his office. Turning his chair towards the window, he peered out through the small opening in the blinds across the cityscape. "That's why I…"

"Tezuka, I need time." He was running away again. "And given the time that has passed, there's no way things could be that way anymore. I gave you my love back then, and you see what happened. There's no way things can be mended that way so easily. You know that."

"No I don't. And you don't know either, because you haven't given it a chance, Fuji." Tezuka stated firmly, slipping his hand in his pocket, fingers loosely wrapped around a small metal object. "One more chance…that's all I ask for, Fuji."

At the door of Tezuka's office, there was a firm knock. His superior called to consult him about something. He walked to the door across the room, placing his hand on the doorknob. "Once more Fuji…that's all we need." Tezuka could feel the small change in the sun's direction as its warmth began to spread through every inch of his office. "I have to go, and…"

"I'll think about it Tezuka." Fuji said softly on the other line, before closing the connection between their conversation.

The phone snapped shut in his hand, as he opened the door. "Minamoto-san. Please, come in." He glanced at the much older man through his glasses. A business face, smile, tone of voice, but only one thought on his mind.

* * *

With a resounding 'plop' back onto his mattress, Fuji stared up at the popcorn ceiling over his bed. More time to think. That's all he could ask for, when he's had more than enough time to do just so, especially considering the break from work he had at the moment. 

Thoughts. All of which only gave way to more pain.

--flashback--

_His smile was always conniving, deceitful in how he never managed to show what pain he felt inside. Everything was only a game for Fuji. To Tezuka, their relationship seemed to be no exception, no matter how much he thought otherwise. And maybe like all games, there was the climax and the resolution. Tezuka glanced over at the tensai who was 'studiously' reading the homework assignment before lifting his pencil to his lip._

_"Nee, Tezuka..." Fuji reached over the table peering over the other's work. "You haven't written a single note since I looked at your paper 15 minutes ago. Distracted by something?" Tezuka glanced up from his book hearing Fuji's voice ring through his ears._

_"Not really, I was just thinking about something that's all." Tezuka sat straighter, as if he were being caught in the middle of class for falling asleep during lecture._

_"Tennis related?" Fuji placed his pencil atop his book, sliding over next to Tezuka and receiving a nod in reply. "Same Tezuka as always ne..."_

_"…finals are soon. If I'm not there to worry about the team…" Tezuka stated firmly, hooking the clip of his own pencil at the top of the page._

_"…Oishi will cover for you. You do have a vice captain for a reason, and a very capable one too." His eyes wouldn't move from Tezuka's side, like a predatory animal fixed on capturing the prime catch for the day, or maybe even a lifetime. Without further hesitation, Fuji stood up and walked over next to Tezuka, kneeling down by his side. "Ryuuzaki-san is there for a reason as well too you know. If it's too much for you, she would understand..."_

_"It isn't too much for me Fuji..." At least, tennis wasn't too much for him. A sigh escaped Tezuka's lips, which were hushed by the soft press of a finger against his lips. A warm breath met the surface of Fuji's fingertips, sending a warm chill through his body._

_"...but there's also me." Fuji opened the lids of his eyes, never releasing his hold on Tezuka's gaze. Before Tezuka could absentmindedly object to his words, saying something like 'I chose to become captain knowing the responsibilities' and 'if it were too much for me, I wouldn't be here right now', Fuji pressed his lips over Tezuka's own. The shock showed on Tezuka's face, but neither was aware of the other's expressions, and instead absorbed in the surreal turn of events they were experiencing. The kiss was unexpected and almost unwanted except for the small yearning feeling within Tezuka._

_Raising a hand up to Fuji's cheek, Tezuka lightly brushed a lock of hair around the tensai's ear, allowing his fingers to linger in Fuji's hair for a while longer. The tensai's fingers carefully toyed with the top button of Tezuka's shirt, followed by the light tug of his collar pointing him in a more comfortable direction. Reciprocating and answering each of Fuji's advance, one for one, the two of them found themselves, one pinned beneath the other panting for a short breath while neither thinking of the time, place, or situation in which these string of events were occurring. With swift fingers, each button of Tezuka's shirt was undone, much like the strings of logical thinking running through his mind._

_Tezuka pulled back to look down at Fuji, as if searching for some sign that said 'stop, don't go further', or 'it's just a game'. But within the deep azure eyes, there was nothing hinting otherwise, only two hands that fiercely wrapped themselves around Tezuka's neck. "Tezuka...don't question anything. Just..." His words fell to silence. There were only mindless breaths of each other's name, and perhaps within those were whispered unrecognizable confessions of love._

--end flashback--

"Just trust me. Just love only me..." As he sat up, a wet drop traced the outline of his face, reaching the bottom of his chin. Fuji whispered his exact thoughts from that moment. Would things have been different if he said that from the start? Perhaps their relationship would have built on that instead of increasingly heartless sexual engagement. What wasn't supposed to be a game, turned into one. Truth be told, he regretted almost every moment that he didn't come forth and say what needed to be said. The longer he waited, the harder it became, and the less Tezuka understood each time they gave each other more of themselves. 

Perhaps he was being cold-hearted saying he needed time, but he did. He was in love then, and that love was completely shattered to pieces for years after. Even if the glass pieces were put together, the missing splinters would remain as scars in the picture frame. Even if that love surfaced years and years after it was broken, they would still remain. No matter how much more new he would try to make everything seem...yet at the same time...

Fuji glanced over at his bedside table, and in a haste reached out for the phone dialing a number he committed to heart almost instantly.

* * *

In the silence of his office, there was a deep breath. The ticking of the clock indicating each second that passed, the 'time' that he needed to make his choice. Seven minutes paled in comparison to the seven years that he had made Fuji wait. Leaning back in his chair one last time, he came to his feet. Perhaps he could wait a bit longer...just another 7 years himself. 

The anticipation fell within his breast again, as he grabbed his jacket and walked out of the door of his office. Thoughts too deep to hear the sound of a ringing in his office.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm back? After half a year? ;;; Well I never really was gone, the progress on this chapter and the following chapter was a bit slow (because of my final exams, then anime expo, then summer work, and then school started again). Also, I wasn't happy with the flow of a lot of things, and needed to better incorporate my ideas into everything. But yes, I think I more ideas and the inspiration to resume this story, if people still want to read it. :D Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews so far, seeing so many makes me happy (even if there hasn't been one in like forever), but seriously it's the most reviews I've received for anything, so that makes me really really happy :D) Looking forward to seeing you in the next chapter. Hope it's lived up to your expectations so far. Ganbarimasu :) 

Milai Sapphire


	8. Chapter 07: The Fine Line

**Chapter 7: The Fine Line**

**By:** Milai Sapphire

**Pairing:** Tezuka/Fuji  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Never will sadly. All of it is Konomi Takeshi-sensei's brilliance at work. But I continue to dream...

Actually after reading Chapter 362 of the manga, Konomi sugoi X3. You can own them forever, but you already do so... XD Simple genius. Just when I thought I couldn't love tenipuri even more. You did it.

But yes, I don't own anything except the simple storyline at work here. (Don't worry, even though I'm fangirling about 362 in my mind, there are no spoilers 3)

* * *

"Hoi hoi." Some things, and some greetings never changed with Seigaku's former acrobatic tennis player. For 10 years running straight, he had answered every phone call the same way. 

"Eiji…do you have a minute?" Fuji inquired across the telephone line. "For a drink that is…" He added as a side note, hinting towards the seriousness of their talk. The two of them had not talked like this in months apart from the occasional hello or small postcard. After Fuji began traveling around to various international cities for photography work, even his visits back to Japan were limited, this being his longest stay here in a while.

"Right now? It's not even past lunch. You can't be serious." Even across a phone line, Fuji could see the pout form on Eiji's lips.

"Of course not. I mean this evening. I still have some to finish up some work on developing some photographs from my last job. If anything, that will keep me busy until then." He reached over to his bedside, and opened up his calendar. Delicately written in a female's handwriting was 'office happy hour' for this same evening.

"Well, if that's the case and if you're free, I don't see why we can't do something for a bit." An agreeable voice pleased Fuji's ears, as he carefully drew a black line through his previous plans. "Your treat?" Fuji's pen stopped at the sound of Eiji's request.

"Just this once Eiji." Fuji placed the tip of his pen to his cheek, exhaling a deep sigh, as he closed his planner. "We can meet at 8 at the usual place then? Ahh, I've got to go, work calls…"

The click of the other line was the only alarm Fuji needed to get up and start moving out of his bed. Dragging his feet towards the dark room in his small studio apartment, his eyes adjusted themselves to the darkness as he sealed the door shut behind him. A faint sigh left his lips, as he glanced at the clipped photos that were all carefully strung above his head. As he reached out for his camera with his latest roll of film, a sea of photos fell out of a small box. A dark red light shadowed his face as he reached down to pick up the sheets. Older film, his earlier portfolio of photos, which now was all replaced by his more current work.

A photo of Eiji and Oishi during their first year of high school.

Another one of his older sister spread out under a tree relaxing in the park.

Random pictures of a wedding held at a church not too far from his old house.

A variety of places, things, portraits of random people. And behind it all, a single picture, the first he had ever taken. His first step in the direction of his current career as a professional photographer. His first and last developed picture of Tezuka. Perhaps the fact that the former captain had been fast asleep here made it worth even more…worth enough to withstand being tossed out with many of his earlier rejected photos.

Holding the picture of the sleeping visage up to the light, something within Fuji stopped, holding back a flood of emotions. Pain, hatred, anger, disappointment, uncertainty, anxiety, an urge to move forward, love?

At only a few minutes before the hour, Fuji stepped off the bus. With a brief glance down at his watch, he took notice of the exact time before heading around the corner to his rendezvous point.

Only a few feet away from the entrance, Tezuka glanced down at the time. He couldn't recall the last time he was this anxious, this impatient for anything. Perhaps for finals in the National tournament years ago, but never any other time. Sliding his hands in his pocket shielding them from the cold of the blowing wind, Tezuka paced back and forth keeping his body and thoughts in motion, as the chill reddened his cheeks and nose. In this cold weather, he was struggling to keep warm. The chill of Fuji's emotions made the wind chill seem like nothing in comparison.

"Tezuka Kunimitsu?" Fuji asked curiously as he stop before the entrance to the bar. "What are you doing here?" Of course, for a drink, Fuji spoke in his mind, but at the same time, he knew that the older man still couldn't take his liquor well.

"Ah, Fuji. I didn't expect to see you here as well." His surprise was obviously a bit of a lie to anyone with common sense. With a raised eyebrow, Fuji showed how believable the man's words were. Not very. "Eiji invited me over. I assume you were invited as well then?" He asked equally curious. A simple nod was all he received in return. "I'm guessing we should head inside then?"

Approaching Tezuka's position against the wall, the coldness of Fuji's own hands radiated against the warmth of Tezuka's cheeks. On the side of his face, a hand reached over his shoulder, a pair of gloves resting on the edge of his jacket. Fuji spoke up for a brief moment, words spoken simply out of politeness. "Were you waiting out here long?"

"I haven't been here long, so don't worry about it." Tezuka reached out for the pair of gloves, slipping his hand in one and then the other. Bringing it up to his face, he smiled discreetly behind the softness of the fleece.

"I didn't worry." Harsh words were immediately regretted as Fuji glanced off to the side before slowing down his pace towards the door.

"Fuji. Wait." Tezuka held onto the small wrist that swayed alongside the tensai's body,

"What?" Tezuka pulled the other man closer to him, away from the crowds of people that were beginning to enter the building. Fuji gave Tezuka a scornful look, as he pulled his arm away from the other's firm grasp. In the end, he could only find himself being led away a few steps until Tezuka stopped suddenly. "Do you have to be this way? Isn't this enough?"

"Is it wrong to want to avoid being hurt again?" He snatched his hand out of Tezuka's gloved ones. "I'm no longer asking you to love me, as I did then. Don't worry about me. Don't trust me. Just forget about everything."

"That's not it, but…" From behind Fuji, Tezuka noticed Eiji approaching, all smiles as he waved at the two of them. "Let's talk later after everything ends." He brushed past Fuji walking over to greet Oishi and his partner.

The tensai watched Tezuka's reaction with his closest friend. It was an affection he was denied years ago, and something he had given up on not too long afterwards. But now, what he had wanted in the past stood before him, and he couldn't find himself giving into it at all. Raising his bare hand up to his face, he brushed away a strand of hair from his face.

The weather report was right.

The night air was cold. With each progressing second, his heart could only grow colder, as the past become a frozen picture, a fading memory.

He couldn't love him anymore, or so he kept blindly telling himself. Hadn't his love for Tezuka been an emotion he sealed away? One he would never let resurface for fear of feeling the same way again. Perhaps he was disillusioned, the line between hate and love had become finer with the more time he spent around him, the more he saw him. Although for something sealed away, the feelings were still as fresh as yesterday, those of rejection and pain. With a sigh into the bitter cold wind, Fuji looked at Tezuka's back. "That's fine, isn't it?" A wretched smile made its way to his lips as he returned to Tezuka's side greeting his closest friend and his former teammate. "Eiji. Oishi. It's been a while." The ghostly smile returned to his face the mask he preferred not to wear, but was left no choice but to uphold his image.

"Fu-ji-ko." Eiji smiled with an innocent sincerity, as he wrapped an arm around Fuji's neck. "It hasn't been that long."

_It almost feels that way. _The photographer thought to himself

"Wah, sorry about the sudden change of plans. I forgot to check my calendar. Oishi and I had planned this reunion a while back too, so hope you enjoy the surprise." Eiji winked, "Don't worry I'll give you all my attention once everyone's settled and had their fill of drinks." He patted the other's back softly, before reaching over for Oishi's hand.

"Everyone else is inside." Oishi escorted Eiji, Tezuka and Fuji into the small bar immediately waving at the group of people on the other end of the room.

"Oishi! Eiji!" A very happy-go-lucky voice called out to the young man, who released his hand from Tezuka's back, grasping Eiji's hand and walked over to the other boy encircling him in a short embrace.

"Momoshiro-kun. Everyone, how are you?" Fuji asked with a smile, nodding briefly to the row of people that were seated around the table.

"Momoshiro. Echizen. Kawamura. Inui. Kaidou." Tezuka nodded behind the tensai. Looking across at the table he could see a row of familiar, yet unrecognizable faces. Had everyone really changed that much? Everyone except him could take the change, Fuji included. The young man clearly had moved on yet he couldn't find himself letting go. He didn't want to let go so easily. Seven days or seven years, he could endure any length of time within this lifetime to wait for Fuji to change his mind.

_After all, it was only fair that way right?_ Tezuka glanced over as Fuji took a seat next to his former teammates.

"Ehh?! Not yet?" Eiji pouted into his drink, turning to face Fuji after placing his drink on the counter in front of him. He shook his head, unable to speak any further. "Nee, I just thought I'd say it's strange enough that you keep mentioning him every time we meet yet you claim that he is simply out of the question…" Eiji crossed his arms, giving an accusing look across to Fuji.

"I never put it that way. I doubt that the past is actually over. For some reason it feels like I'm almost reliving part of it. Our roles have been completely reversed." He gave a chilling smirk as he took a quick sip of the hard liquor pressed against his lips.

"But…isn't this what you always wanted to hear? Even though it's seven years later?" He leaned forward, resting his chin on his arms crossed on the bar.

"I moved on Eiji. Some things just are hard to let go of, but I've had to move on from those childish thoughts. Otherwise I would still be clinging to him now, and probably wouldn't have made it this far otherwise if I continued to let it plague me."

"If you say so, then…" Eiji spun in his chair looking back at the group of former Seigaku regulars. Just as always, a stiff Tezuka sat at the head of the table watching the lively interaction between the rest of the former regulars. Some things never changed, and at the same time…

At that moment, Tezuka took his cell phone into his hands turning away from the excitement at the table. Everyone's gaze wandered to the corner where Tezuka walked off to take his phone call. Out of the corner of his eyes, Eiji noticed Fuji's head tilt in the former captain's direction, following his movement.

"But still, can letting go like that really make you happy? Can you really move on so easily?" Eiji pouted, spinning around in his chair to his regular seated position. "It wouldn't work like that for me." He smiled solemnly, watching Fuji's contemplative expression that was fixed upon the dark brown liquid still remaining in his cup. Jumping up from his seat, Eiji bounced back over to the table taking over the small space next to Oishi. "

"Everyone. Sorry, I have to return to the office, something has come up. Next time." Tezuka announced at the table, directing his words to Fuji who remained with his back turned away at the counter. A string of groans was heard, until Oishi spoke up bidding him farewell for the moment, and the promise of another chance to get together again as a group. Within a few minutes, everyone decided to move on back home before the weather got worse. As everyone headed towards the door, Oishi stayed behind taking a quick glance over at Fuji.

"Fuji? Are you going to come along?" He asked, noticing as the bartender gave him another glass of his drink.

"No. I'll stay here a bit longer, and head back home after this drink. Thanks though, Oishi. You take care until the next time I see you." Fuji smiled. The façade perfectly hid his emotions from the past that were slowly resurfacing. Eyes closed at slants, an almost thin line across his mouth that counted as a smile. Once Oishi exited the building, the façade fell as Fuji returned to the full shot glass.

It was always like this. One after the other, in hopes that maybe it would erase the pain, erase the memory. His fingers wrapped themselves around the small glass. The continuous consumption sending him to his limits, Fuji failed to notice the wetness that traced the side of his cheek, falling precisely inside the glass.

If avoiding the matter made him feel this way, wouldn't it have been better to succumb to the chance just once? If that were the only other way to let him move on then he'd take the chance. Flipping open his cell phone, he decided to entertain the thought, and bury the past by bringing things to an end.

"Thanks." Fuji spoke softly to the bartender, slipping his money on the bar next to his tear-filled drink. "Keep the change."

Tezuka stood on the platform, the repeated sound of the subway breaking in the far distance. The lights reflected off the corner the subway turned towards. His phone still said, "1 New Text Message" in strong black letters. Undoubtedly a message from Fuji. Somewhere along the line, the mess that was their love became chaotic, disarray he was not familiar with, and unable to handle.

The cause?

Fuji.

The effect?

Fuji, or at least the image of Fuji contained within his mind.

The gusts of wind from the approaching subway cars rushed past him, as he flipped open his cell phone. As he began to read the message, the cars sped past him attempting to brake to a halt. With each word that passed through his mind repeatedly, his grip loosened on his papers. Brakes coming to a screeching stop at the end of platform, the collection of papers blew out of his hands, and his eyes caught his reflection on the train car's metallic surface.

Uncertainty filled his mind.

But still even if all the odds were against him, he would give that uncertainty a chance. Unlike before, he wouldn't leave everything up to 'fate', or even worse the logic of his brain. Simple or perhaps even complicated logic put him where he was at that moment, pitifully grieving for a love that was seconds away from being lost. Acting on impulse was something that he had never done before he met Fuji. His mistake was an impulsive act, one out of haste. Fear. Not being 100 sure of where things would lead beyond what had already been tried.

Scrambling for the stapled packets he had dropped, he quickly turned his back away from the subway cars, and headed quickly for the escalator.

* * *

**Author's Note: ** My fastest release ever? Hehe, working on Chapter 8, so at least it's started. Although trust me it'll take a while till that's released since I've got so much school work that's waiting to be completed. Out of all that stress, maybe I'll have the urge to write something good? I must say I didn't like parts of this chapter, but yeah, everything is a work in progress. D: Thanks for all the great reviews Those really motivated me to work on getting this chapter out faster (and voila here it is). Thanks to hakugetsu, Jingy5, yoshikochan ( X3 "call his cell fuji!" There he did, kind of…), miracle raintears, and my friend (our anime club head librarian XD trying to figure out what name you're stalking me with XD;; I still want your ringtone/alarm XD). I kind of don't want to end this at all (dunno when it'll end…guess you'll see when it says "Fin"), so I'm hoping my TezuFuji muses hit me with another idea soon. 

Also, I started randomly writing a bit of another fic this past weekend, and I think I might have a SanaYuki fic coming out eventually (if I can take it somewhere, we'll see), although I totally want to write a Shitenhouji fic Chitose 3

Yoshikochan and I are working on our TezuFuji fic too :D Hopefully that'll have a release soon. If anyone wants to beta read that (and our other Rikkai/SanaYuki-centric fic, which has a chapter out already under "spicedtea" if you're interested) Eternal thanks to you. Just PM me or e-mail me or something. XD


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